Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
