I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
