i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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