Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
