Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There r osticjed everywhere
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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