At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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