The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
