Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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