words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
