It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
