How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
