Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
