youre lurking in front of me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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