I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we're making bets on your personal life
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
