Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
