literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
