Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
