There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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