my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
