Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
