That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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