I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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