girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
