I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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