I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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