Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
