but the lizard people decide everything anyway
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
