While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
