I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
