There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
