Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
