guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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