Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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