The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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