and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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