i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
