I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
