if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
