She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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