Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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