So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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