Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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