we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
