seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
