dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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