end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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