I just made out with a guy for $7.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
