Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I need to stop coming to work sober
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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