how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
