He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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