after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
