like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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