the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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