Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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