I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
