whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
