So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
