I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
